The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize