that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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