He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize