I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
