Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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