I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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