Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
