I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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