my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
