Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
