i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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