wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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