hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
