i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize