i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
