I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
