If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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