spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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