Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
