If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
