Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
