Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
