I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
