Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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