So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
