If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
