ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
