I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
