Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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