I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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