somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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