Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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