i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
