You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just gift wrapped bread.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
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