I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
