i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
