Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
