Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
