i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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