My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
they're like a gay fantastic four
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
