What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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