All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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