WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize