Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
