he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize