when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
