he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
