we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I smell like Dick and happiness
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
