That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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