You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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