OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
