The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
