god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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