I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
