I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
