i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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