apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
