you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
