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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.

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• (805): View more from California

  I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip

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• (254): View more from Texas

  Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer

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• (310): View more from California

  Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote

  (310): View more from California

  What should I do?

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased

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• (607): View more from New York

  I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators

  (1-607): View more from New York

  Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.

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