Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
