eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
