I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
