I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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