I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
