So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
