My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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