Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
