She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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