Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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