Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
