one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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