so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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