I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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