im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
