He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
